How to get everything you want
Mastering the Reciprocity Rule
Picture this: You’re in Math Class. Your teacher is solving for X. You’re half paying attention and half thinking about lunch break. Out of nowhere, the classmate sitting in front of you reaches for his backpack. He pulls out a pack of gum, looks back at you and offers you a piece. You’ve never talked to him, but take it, because who rejects free gum? Yet, without knowing it, you’ve become indebted to him. Why? Without knowing, either, he used the Reciprocity Rule on you.
The Reciprocity Rule is such a powerful persuasion tool that it can get you everything you want. Hence, in this article, I'll be breaking it down. I'll share with you what it is, how to use it, and how to defend yourself from it.
What is the Reciprocity Rule?
The rule states the following:
We should try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided us.
To understand it better, I’ll share with you a few examples related to birthday dynamics.
Someone invites you to their birthday party → You have to invite them to your birthday party
Someone gives you a very thoughtful gift → You try to give them a very thoughtful gift
Someone posts you on their IG story → You post them in yours for their birthday.
Real simple, isn’t it? That’s what makes it so powerful. It’s so simple and practical that it is EVERYWHERE.
Think about political campaigns. Do you think they give you hats and tees because they like you? Of course not, they want you to vote for them in the elections.
When you’re at the mall, and they give you a perfume sample, do they do it because they want you to smell good? No, what they want is for you to go into the store and buy a bottle.
Say a business YouTuber you like is offering a free masterclass on their channel. You’ll feel a sense of loyalty to share it or pay for the complete course.
Now we understand the rule, it’s time for me to answer the reason you clicked on this piece.
How to use it like a master
I’ve come up with the following strategy to use the rule to get everything you want:
Learn a skill that appeals to everyone, such as cooking or hair trimming. The more expensive your service or product is, the better. For this example, we’ll go with cookies. Let's say you make some delicious chocolate-chip cookies.
Give them out to everyone in your network such as friends, colleagues, or classmates. Easy reciprocity wins.
Use them to expand your network. Every chance you get to meet new people, take a batch of your cookies with you. Make these new contacts indebted to you right away.
Repeat this process over and over again. You can stop once you have a complete network of people that have become indebted to you. You’ll want to have doctors, lawyers, accountants, real estate experts, IT specialists. Anyone from whom a favor might come in clutch.
Cash in on your favors whenever needed and enjoy the benefits of the Reciprocity Rule.
Yet, this strategy and conscious use of the rule has its drawbacks. Likewise, now you know how the rule works, it’s vital to know how to defend yourself from it.
How to defend yourself
There are 2 ways to defend yourself from the reciprocity rule:
1. Avoid the reciprocity exchanges
Though an incredible persuasion tool, it can become a vicious game. You can end up only doing things because you want something in exchange. People will notice and it can scare them away. Thus, it could be best to avoid them all together.
Do things for others, but out of good will and without expecting anything back. If they want to reciprocate, let it be, but don’t force it.
2. Redefine the exchanges in your head
When you receive something that is not out of good will, do a mental redefinition. Understand you’re not receiving a favor, you’re being sold to. If you can do this, you’ll save yourself money, time, and discomfort.
Can you recall a time in which the Reciprocity Rule worked against you? Feel free to share it in the comments.
Next week I’ll be breaking down the Commitment and Consistency principles. These two together are incredible persuasion tools. Subscribe so you don’t miss it!
If anyone offers me a present or favor, I must reciprocate by doing the same. I'm a people pleaser. 😔